2014.

Here comes the end of December, a time where all pain and sorrow piled up within a year. As I look back, my head kept asking, have I become a better person? Do I have any influences to the surroundings? Am I walking on the right path? What should I do to get a better future?

I’ve been in constant thinking state, I could barely sleep at night. The words kept popping inside my head, “Where’s the excitements I used to have?” That was when I decided to get out of my comfort zone.

I always said that experience is the best teacher, thus I don’t need to take formal lessons at school. However, I found out that I actually need it now. I knew how my parents had created me this way, and I feel the urge to change. If I stay, I’ll always be like this forever. I need a new environment and more challenges in order to flame the beacon inside. Next year, I have to get out of this country to perceive new point of view. I don’t care whether it is New York, London, Tokyo, Ho Chi Minh, or Shanghai. I will face it. I am not a coward and I will take as many choices as I can.

Looking back along the year, I must say that this is the most colourful period in my life. I started this year making a series of paintings which is dedicated to my Chiropractic Doctor who has turned my life a lot better. The title is ‘Flow’. I tried to portray the overflowing energy around a person which interacts with others in every single piece of him/her. The paintings was finished on the 1st January 2014, so I literary started the year with painting.

Next, I had a financial problem earlier this year. Yet, I could gain about 5 times of my previous savings within a few months. Being grateful, believing, and enjoying life is the key of it. I started thanking God for every single thing I have and stay focused on it, instead of blaming on the things I own not. Writing notes about my friends, as a gift for their birthday, was part of it. I wouldn’t be able to overcome my troubles without them around, so it was like a tribute for them, whom I knew for almost 10 years.

The funniest thing was, despite all the gratefulness, I had a mental attack right before my birthday. I was afraid of seeing anyone and crying tremendously in days.

That was when I decided to moved away from the hectic life of Jakarta for a moment; hence the bike trip around Yogyakarta was done without any notice to my parents and colleagues. The travel was great and it could heal me for a while, but anxiety kept haunting me until today.

Maybe it’s true that I really need to go out of these routines. It’s been a hard year and I might be tired of running continuously without a break. I seriously need a remedy; a shock that would make me even stronger and wiser. I’ve always wanted a slower pace of life; being a country girl and live in a village without for-seeking what I need to do in the future. Eventually, fate has chosen me to fly high, and I really can’t stop until I find something to hang on.

Life is a mystery, but that’s why it is fun. I’m gonna need to fight over myself on the upcoming years and will never stop doing it ’til I die. I’ll fill my life with adventures so that I wouldn’t get bored, not even a second. So, am I ready to run another year? The answer is yes, I’ve never been more prepared than this.

So long, 2014. Welcome 2015.